These basics that I might have considered the fundamentals of “care” were conspicuous by their absence. What I needed was rest, quiet, and feeling that I was safe. When I found out by chance at Elaine’s memorial in Glasgow Cathedral, that I had been excluded from Donald’s funeral, that is when is started. I was released too soon according to the Consultant, hence for a week now I have been back.
The latter is what has landed me back in hospital. Only now, have I started to experience the feeling of utter emptiness one moment, anger at being abandoned by my best friend who was my rock, and crucially, the desire to be with him and Elaine. We of the damned-up spirits, of the thwarted feelings, of the blocked hearts, and the pent-up thoughts, we who long to blast out, flood forth in a torrent of rage or joy or even madness, but there is nowhere for us to go, nowhere in the world because no one will have us as we are. “Some of us are fated to live in a box from which there is only temporary release.
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